Seeming Madness Is Only A Disguise
by Warriorgirl Maoh
Summary: If you have no right to love the one you do, what do have the right to? MAJORLY surprise one-sided pairing!


A/N: Whooo! Finally! I'm did it! Can you believe that I made this around seven months ago?! I kept telling myself I'd post it later. O.O Wow. This is a lot later. Anyways, read and review please!

He enters and I fall silent. Yuuri and the others are surprised that I stop being noisy so suddenly. They misunderstand and think that I am afraid of him. I am not offended, I don't mind. It's better that way because then they will never suspect what I feel for him. It would be too much for them if they knew.

And for me.

He walks toward us, a puzzled look on his face as to why they are all quiet and staring at me. He asks Yuuri if something is the matter. I do not hear Yuuri's reply.

Time stops in my mind and I just see a picture of him. Everything else is blurry; it's just him that's vivid. I stare at him, the angles of his face, his long slender fingers, the seemingly frail but fragile body. If it were possible, tears would be brimming in my eyes now, but I lost that ability a long time ago. It is one of the things I miss the most, actually. It's difficult to never be able to cry. Everything is simply inside you.

I watch his eyes. They were always my favorite feature of him, intelligent and calculating, never missing a detail. Yet always looking softly and kindly at others although most cannot see it because of his glasses. But I do. I see through him. He is looking past me, innocently overlooking the truth of how I feel for him.

I wish I had the right to look at those beautiful eyes everyday. But I forfeited that right for a long time ago.

I snap back to reality and I notice everyone is laughing again, I am forgotten once more. Then I notice he is looking at me, observing me. I am not worried. He will know nothing of importance just by looking at me.

His face lights up in surprise as it registers to him that I caught him. He stands and crosses the physical distance between us, kneeling beside me so that we're face to face.

I'm tempted to jump and tackle him. I want to belong to him and not to Yuuri. I want to be his sword and most of all; I want to tell him I love him.

But I can't. I am the one who built a canyon between myself and the rest of the universe. I am the one who chose this road, to be who I am today. I am the only one to blame.

Don't misunderstand, I am glad to serve Yuuri. He is good for Shin Makoku. He cares about everyone and looks on the best side of anyone. Shine Makoku, the entire world in fact, has had too much darkness lately. We need the sun to guide us back.

But as much as I care for Yuuri, the one that I truly want to protect is Ken Murata. Yuuri doesn't really need me, but Ken does. Well, maybe not really me per se, but he needs someone else to be his rock. He never lets anyone else be strong.

Centuries of hurt, loss and betrayal… how does that feel I wonder? How does he manage to go on? He is like Yuuri actually. He is optimistic, hopeful that tomorrow will be a better day.

I snap out of my reverie just in time to hear him ask if I'm okay. I hum out a yes, vaguely looking at the others.

"No, you're not." He says bluntly. I give no response. I don't even look at him for a second. I don't want to taint him. His soul is whole, while I am not. May have died because of me and by me, and many will still. It is a burden that eats at whatever tattered shreds of a soul that I have left. I am truly a demon. I am afraid to meet his eyes. I have no right.

He searches my face for an idea of what is inside me. He finds nothing. Of course he won't. My eyes are empty. He stands up and I feel a twinge of disappointment but I quickly suppress it.

"You're so different now." He murmurs in a volume only I can hear. We stare at each other for awhile. He looks away, his cropped hair bouncing slightly, "Before we go back to Earth, I want you to know that I'm grateful and proud of all the things you've done for Yuuri and for Shin Makoku. It's difficult to be bound to something so, thank you."

I stare at him in surprise, making a few incoherent sounds as I try to think of something to say. He walks away, waving, "Goodbye."

It's amazing how much pain one word can elicit.

I replay the whole thing in my mind, focusing on a moment wherein he happened to be smiling at me. I feel sad that it is only a memory and not him. Then again, everything, even my feelings aren't really mine to be had. I was a person who lived like you but then chose to serve my country forever as my means of redemption. Now, I'm just…

"Morgif! Are you coming with us or do I have to carry you?" Yuuri shouts from the doorway, waving his arms in his usual jocund manner.

I guess I have to keep on moving now, even if I'm not yet ready to. I jump to Yuuri's side and groan out my usual sounds and funny facial expressions. I am the morgif you know once again.

--Fin—

A/N: *laughs like crazy* Weren't expecting that were you? I know, seemed kinda unreal to me too when I first wrote this. Well, thanks for reading and please review! I love all kinds of comments. ^_^


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